this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
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If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
this hospital has no fireball
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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