I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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