WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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