mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
