I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
