i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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