Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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