Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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