1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
