I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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