You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
