i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
