I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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