i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
