So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
