are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
