You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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