Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
