I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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