i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
