Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
is wine microwaveable?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
