I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize