I wish they made helmets for livers.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
