the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
