he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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