Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize