I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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