I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
