so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
