i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
