I need to stop coming to work sober
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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