I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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