just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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