Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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