You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
