WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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