I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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