When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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