I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
