jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
