Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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