I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
