peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
