two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
