you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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