In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
