I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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