Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
