I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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