do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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