just tell him i said nine months
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
