So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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