..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
