Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
