you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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