Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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