do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The air taste purple.
Randomize
