i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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