i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
