You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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