i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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