Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
