everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
