i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
