Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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