Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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