This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize